So, since I’m not really one to beat around the bush, I’m just going to spill the beans and admit that we’re getting a little up close and personal today.
I mean, I did promise you good, old-fashioned, uncensored female banter. So, here it is.
That being said, you may not want to open this post in front of your significant other, crush, dad, brother, or male of any kind, especially if they’re one of the many in denial that chicks actually poop, bleed vaginally, have body odor, or break out.
Men, they’re such amusing creatures.
But I get it, boys. Ignorance is bliss. We don’t want to think about what goes on while you’re on the porcelain throne (for 30 minutes playing on your phone) either.
However, ladies, if you’re down for this tell-all, let’s just get right into it shall we?
I want to talk a little bit about a few “secret weapons” I’ve discovered over the years that help me feel my best during my most vulnerable moments.
Now, I know it’s a total feminine faux pas to blatantly talk about going to the bathroom or that time of the month, but it’s real life, and, unfortunately, these are issues us girls have to endure on a regular basis, so why not help a sister out?
Anyways, I might as well start out strong and introduce you to one of the more “embarrassing” products on my list – Summer’s Eve Freshening Spray.
As a female, I’m sure you’ve come across Summer’s Eve feminine hygiene products in one form or another, but this one’s my personal favorite.
When “shark week” (credit to Austin for that clever code name) strikes, this spray is a true lifesaver. I don’t know about you, but when I’m on my period I just feel gross. Everywhere. All the time.
Thankfully, Summer’s Eve created this refreshing pick-me-up that I now keep with me on a regular basis.
If ever you need a little help staying fresh, give the kitty a spritz to control odor, absorb moisture, and replenish your skin with some extra vitamin E.
Since we’re already knee-deep in bathroom talk, why not just go there…
Yes, I am, indeed, referring to good ole #2.
Let’s face it, s*&! happens, but, as women, it’s not necessarily something we want everyone around us to be aware of, which is why I’m so glad I discovered Poo-Pourri – that brand name though…I die.
Anyways, what was initially meant to be a gag-gift, actually turned out to be a product that’s come in handy more times than I’d like to admit.
There is nothing worse than being away from home or out of your comfort zone and “having to go”.
But, have no fear because this product was literally invented to save the day.
All you have to do is spray a little bit in the toilet bowl before you do your business, and the essential oils actually create a film over the water that masks the scent entirely. No joke, the oily barrier traps the odor underneath the surface before it even begins.
Talk about clutch.
Not to mention the branding for this product is hysterical, which really sealed the deal for me. Poo-pourri’s website and packaging feature taglines that are punny AF, because if your products are literally marketed for crap, you might as well have a little fun with it.
Okay, we’ve s&*#, now let’s get off the pot and make our way out of the bathroom.
Time for body odor.
I know, I know, just when you thought it was going to get less awkward. Whoops.
But seriously, body odor – it’s totally normal bodily BS that needs to be dealt with.
One of the ways I like to conquer this demon is with my handy dandy deodorant wipes from Pacifica, which is a brand I discovered while blissfully roaming the isles at my local Target – throwing everything into my cart except for what I actually came for. Standard.
But, I’m so glad I did because these babies are everythanggg.
While I am known to carry deodorant (men’s deodorant, to be exact) with me everywhere I go, I’ve been hearing more and more about how harsh the chemicals are in many deodorants, which has been a bit of a turn-off lately. So, in an attempt to wean myself off of Old Spice, I went out in search of a more natural alternative.
That’s when I came across these wipes, which are not only 100% vegan and cruelty-free, but are also quite portable and don’t take up much space in my purse. Not to mention they smell great and leave me feeling fresh for hours.
What’s not to love?
So, do you guys remember that children’s song? You know, the one that goes, “Vaaaag, booty, pits, and toes, pits and toes!”
Okay, so maybe the anatomy/lyrics are a bit off, but you still sang it in your head a few times didn’t you?
Mmkay, well, yeah..feet are on deck.
Personally, feet gross me out more than absolutely anything. I don’t know what it is about them, but I am so not a fan.
Honestly, I cannot think of anything more volatile than foot odor, but, once again, we’ve all been there.
Whether you’re an athlete, gym rat, or poor planner who forgot to pack a pair of socks, you’ve probably experienced some unfortunate stank at one point or another.
It’s fine, but don’t let it happen again because I’m about to tell you about Sweet Feet.
This Godsend of a product is the answer to my foot phobia prayers.
Just mist a bit of this spray into your running shoes, cleats, heels, you name it, and I promise, with regular use, they will stay fresh as daisies foreva eva.
Seriously, you’ll never have to pass up a foot massage again. You’re welcome.
Don’t worry, folks, this vulgar tour is almost over.
Last, but not least, we have to discuss pimples, because we’ve already come this far and there’s really no point in turning back now.
I, for one, have combination skin and tend to break out like nobody’s business – naturally, at the most inopportune moments.
Luckily, I’ve discovered the Mecca of all zit zappers.
Now, depending on your skin type, these products may or may not work for you. I know I’ve had my fair share of hits and misses when it comes to acne treatments. But, if your skin is anything like mine, then these products might just be the answer you’ve been looking for.
Whenever I have a ruthless whitehead that I need to get rid of (like, yesterday), I apply the Drying Lotion before bed. In the morning my blemish is completely dried out, making it SO much easier to cover.
Before I put on any makeup, though, I’ll apply my toner, moisturizer, and the Special Healing Powder. This powder helps to absorb any excess oil around the problem area and keeps the spot from rising again.
And for that, Mario, I thank you.
See, now that wasn’t so bad, was it? We made it through the first of many nitty-gritty posts. Thanks for being such troopers.
I hope the next time you cross paths with one of these products you’ll give it a try, because there’s nothing wrong with having a few secret weapons in your lady arsenal.
Until next time,